It was a rough week last week. No blogs from me or they may have just been “please leave me alone!” We all have them, times where each moment of each day tests us, and its times like these we learn the valuable lessons that hopefully help shape who we become from that moment on. It was nothing really big for me that threw my world upside down, no event that shocked me to my core, in fact quite the opposite, I was seeing God bring unbelievable blessing after unbelievable blessing. However the teething, the illness, the large amount to do in a little time, the repetitive chores, the spiritual warfare and sleepless nights – the day to day of just being a mum-pastor all combined to be a challenge that wore me down. I was empty. Out of patience out of sympathy and out of gentleness… I was out of my own strength.

The lesson that this particular week opened my eyes to was a lesson on self-dependance as well as real strength. While neediness for other people is unhealthy (note neediness, not to have need), we flourish in a stable, healthy, and overflowing way through all circumstances when we have total neediness and dependence on a reliable and strong God. God is Omnipotent, it means “all powerful” and this is everlasting. If I am running out of strength to be who God called me to be, it means I was not operating in Gods strength, for He gives us all we need for godliness (2 Pet). God is able to fill us to overflowing at all times and in all circumstances, which means that if we are empty, we have disconnected or broken the pipes from His stream of living water into our lives. The test to know if we are functioning in our own strength is actually much easier than I ever imagined… what am I like at the end of the day or when the circumstances are heavy?

I’m not going to pretend that we need to be available to people 100% of the time in every way, we do need a break, a getaway, a holiday, some cave-time, that’s healthy. But it’s what we hope to achieve in those times that has confronted me. Last week for example I had a couple of hours to myself which was exactly what I needed, but instead of opening my bible, sticking on some worship or even watching a message, I vegged out in front of the TV, read junk mail and emails. It was nothing evil, but basically I wasted the time away and felt no better for it (in some cases I felt worse). Had I used those moments to re-connect with God and fill up (as Jesus would do), I would not have been so empty or lost going into the next day. Why didn’t I do it? My humanity repelled the thought of relationship with God, after all it loved that I was allowing myself to sink into a place where I was trying to be like God without God. How often I struggle to come to the throne room of God but then wonder why I hadn’t run there earlier, for the presence and love of God was exactly what I was craving.

How about you? Are you operating in the strength made available to you through the Holy Spirit, or are you stretching out the small capacity you have to make it to the end of each day? Are you the same through all circumstances or are you tossed about by each wave that comes?

Reconnect with God and His strength today. Find His joy in every moment. Make every part of your day an opportunity to relate to a loving, omnipotent God. I did, and I am better off for it.